Nightmares
by Sam.J.Eller
Summary: After the events of the second trial, Sam is plagued with night-terrors. Dean is the only one who can save him from the horror of the memories entrapping his mind. Post 8x19 Taxi Driver. Hurt/Traumatized/Sam and Protective/Big Brother/Dean.
1. Chapter 1

Note: Set after the 2nd Trial, post Taxi Driver 8x19. Rated T for some language.

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><p>In retrospect, I should have seen it coming.<p>

You don't take a day trip to hell and come back unscathed.

I should have predicted that the latest trial would bring about a lot of dark memories for my little brother.

It didn't matter that he hadn't gone back to the cage; entering hell was enough for those horrific memories to move to the forefront of the kid's mind.

I hadn't even taken the trip and I was already trying to re-burry all my recollections of my time there.

So when Sam bolted up in bed screaming out in terror…I shouldn't have been surprised.

Although I was shocked awake by the screams from my little brother, I knew instantly what was going on with him and I immediately clambered out of my bed and rushed over to his.

"Sam! It's okay! You're okay!" I hollered over the screaming, coming into his view.

I didn't get too close though, Sam may have been weaker since the second trial, but the kid was still lethal, especially when he thought he was under threat.

"Sam! Sammy, it's me!" I tried again, taking a cautious step closer.

The screaming continued, the sound making me cringe. Sam had woken up from many nightmares in his lifetime, and sometimes he came awake screaming, but never like this, never this desperate or this terrified.

"Sammy, come on man! Snap out of it!" I ordered loudly, watching as the kid before me continued to flail and scream.

Sam's eyes flashed up and met mine for a second, and the instant I saw them I knew he wasn't seeing or hearing me. His eyes were filled with fear and pain. I knew that awake or not he was still trapped in his memory, still reliving whatever horror had been plaguing his mind.

As the kid fought in an uncoordinated and unaware form, my concern grew that he was going to hurt himself so I approached him quickly, avoiding the swings at my face, and slid behind the terrorized young man.

I wrapped my arms around Sam, pinning his hands to his chest as I pulled him back to rest against me.

He tried to fight me, his screams getting louder as he struggled.

"Sammy! Stop it man. Come one, it's just me little brother, you're alright, you're safe. It's just me." I urged into his ear, desperate to stop the screaming and to pull him from the evil place he was imprisoned in.

Sam continued fighting clumsily, but desperately, to escape form my restraining embrace.

"Sammy, stop it. Please!" I begged, my voice cracking as tears slid from my eyes.

The fighting stopped as suddenly as it had begun, the scream dying down to a gasping sob.

"That's it Sammy. You're here, you're here with me. You're safe. I'm here." I vowed as I waited for my little brother to calm down and get a grip on reality.

"You're okay little brother, you're alright." I soothed slowly rocking back and forth as Sam's sobs shook his thin body.

"I got you Sammy." I promised as I held onto him.

I don't know how long we sat there for, how long I held onto him and whispered reassurances into his ear, how long he sobbed and shook before his crying tapered off and his tear-stained face was pressed up against me.

"Dean." Sam whispered, wiggling his left hand free from my now loose grip and resting it against my chest, gripping my shirt.

I felt a stab of guilt as his hand rested near my neckline, where the amulet used to be. I thought perhaps that's what he had been looking for when he gripped onto my shirt.

"Ya Sammy, I'm right here." I replied softly, brushing the ridiculously long hair from my little brother's face.

"Oh god Dean." Sam moaned miserably.

"I'm sorry buddy." I whispered, brushing the young man's tangled hair with my fingers.

"Not your fault." Sam replied steadily, looking up at my face for the first time since being coherent.

His eyes no longer carried that fear and pain that they had when he had been screaming, but they held a dark haunted look; a shadow that I knew he always carried with him, one that had remerged thanks to the latest trial.

Fucking trials

"I shouldn't have let you go back." I said in a tone full of regret.

"Had to Dean, had do the second trial, had to save Bobby." Sam insisted, his voice hoarse from screaming.

"It was supposed to be me Sam." I choked out past the lump in my throat, swiping furiously at the tears that escaped from my eyes.

"Get your head out of your ass Dean. Everything is not about you."

I looked in surprise at my little brother as he extracted himself from my grasp and sat up across from me, staring at me intently.

"It was my choice to do the trials."

"No, you just happened to do the first one because I screwed it up." I stated angrily.

"You didn't screw up. But ya, the first trial was kind of an accident, but after that I made the decision to keep going with it, not you." Sam rasped.

"I shouldn't have let you." I sighed, taking in the thin, exhausted, haunted, young man sitting before me.

"You couldn't have stopped me." Sam declared, giving me an even look.

"I can do this Dean." Sam insisted after I gave no response.

"I know you **can** do it Sam, but you shouldn't have to." I argued; my self-loathing feelings rising as I felt the guilt of this entire situation. If I wasn't such a screw-up I would be doing the trials, and Sammy would be safe.

"Dean." Sam waited for my eye-contact before continuing.

"I know you wanted to take this, and I appreciate that, I really do. But this fell on me, and I can do it." My little brother implored.

"But not without you." Sam finished, staring at me with those wide puppy dog eyes.

I nodded in solidarity.

"I'm with you Sammy, I'm always with you." I declared.

"Good, cause I might need you to carry me." Sam replied with a smirk, referencing the quote I had made to him earlier.

"Dude, how fucked up are our lives that we can relate them to Lord of the Rings?" I muttered with a role of my eyes.

Sam released a soft chuckle in return, the best sound I had heard in a while.

We sat quietly for a few moments until I noticed Sam's eyes drooping. The kid must be exhausted, not only did he take a trip to hell, but he came back carrying a soul. I knew how draining that could be.

"Alright kiddo, you need to get some shuteye."

Sam's eyes widened immediately at the comment and he looked over at me.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Dean." He mentioned quietly.

"You'll be alright Sammy."

Sam looked up at me in disbelief.

"You need some sleep man. I'll be right here." I reassured.

The tired kid glanced about the room uneasily before nodding reluctantly.

"That's my boy." I smiled, sliding out of the bed and gently pushing Sam down onto the pillow.

He released a long sigh as he looked up at me in concern.

"You'll be alright Sammy." I encouraged softly, brushing his hair to the side, being reminded of the many times in our past I had spent trying to get him back to sleep after nightmares.

Sam bit his lip, the way he did whenever he was discouraged, even back when he was less than four feet tall. I smirked at the way my little brother could still remind me so much of the young child he had once been.

"Just close your eyes Sam, I'll be here." I promised as I stood beside the bed, watching as my brother tried to fight sleep.

Less than a minute later Sam's eyelids had slid closed without his permission and he was fast asleep. I stood over him for a few minutes, watching my little brother rest, looking for signs of distress and hoping that he would be able to get a night of decent sleep. God knows the kid needs it.

I was glad we hadn't made the trip back to the bunker tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love having my own room, but when it came to dealing with my kid brother's nightmares, it was a much easier task when he was sleeping less than two feet away.

When it seemed that perhaps Sam would be good for the night, I dropped back onto my bed and fell asleep to the quiet sound of my little brother's breathing.

I was not awoken in the same comforting manner.

Sam's screams resembled that of a victim of torture, which is exactly what I believe was happening in his head. This time Sam not only screamed in the same soul-crushing way, but he catapulted out of his bed.

I rushed to my little brother, desperate to stop the screaming and get rid of the look of horror obscuring his expression.

At my approach Sam did something that took me by surprise.

I knew by the look in his eyes and the clumsiness of his movements that the frightened man was living in a memory, so when I hurried towards him I had been prepared for an attack. I had been prepared to block the blows and avoid the swinging arms. I had been prepared to restrain Sam.

What I had not been prepared for was having Sam cower away from me.

When the kid noticed me advancing towards him, he choked on a scream and stumbled backwards, collapsing to his knees. Instead of trying to get back up he remained in his kneeled position and hunched in on himself, ducking his head.

The screaming had stopped; something I had thought that I wanted, but what replaced it tore at my heart in a completely new way.

Sam was hunched over and shaking as he pleaded for his life.

"Stop, stop, please." The words were barely audible, being obscured by sobs and the raspy tone of his voice, but I had no trouble hearing them.

I hardly recognized the young man in front of me. Sam has always been a fighter, no matter how scared or injured he may be. This image of my little brother shying away and pleading for his life was one that was new to me. An image that would never leave me. And an image I needed to stop right fucking now.

"Sammy, buddy it's me, it's just me." I soothed, taking a step closer to the young man and watching him flinch because of it.

"Come on Sammy. You're here with me. I'm right here." I assured as I dropped to my knees once I was within arm's reach of the confused kid.

I reached out and laid a gentle hand on the shaggy head, carding my fingers through the long hair.

Sam came back to the present at the feel of my touch, uncurling himself and looking up at me with wide tearful eyes.

"Dean." He cried, launching into my arms as though he were no bigger than a young child.

"Ya Sammy, it's me kiddo." I sighed in relief, feeling Sam's long arms latch around me as mine did the same around him. I felt his hair tickling my face as he hooked his chin over my shoulder.

"It was so real." Sam whispered as he clung tighter to me, his arms shaking as the gripped me.

"It wasn't Sammy. You're right here with me, I got you little brother." I promised.

For a second I thought that maybe this wasn't simply nightmares; that perhaps these were hallucinations, but then I recalled a period of time after Sam remembered hell. He would wake from nightmares so violently and it always took me awhile to get him to stand down and realize that he wasn't being threatened or harmed, that he wasn't in the cage.

I could tell by the duration and the way he behaved that Sam was not hallucinating, but experiencing night-terrors. And I really fucking hated it.

"Sorry." Sam hiccupped into my ear as his sobs finally subsided.

I pulled back immediately, holding my brother at arm's length with a hand resting on the back of his neck, making sure he was looking at me before I spoke.

"Don't you ever apologize for this kind of shit, just don't, not ever." I insisted strongly, making sure my kid got what I was saying.

Sam nodded slowly in understanding as I thumbed the tears from his face.

"This is so stupid, I feel like I'm five." Sam huffed as he made the effort the climb to his feet.

I stood with him, a firm grip on his forearm as he wobbled unsteadily.

"Dude, you were not this much work when you were five." I joked as I gently pushed him down onto the bed.

Sam sat heavily on the edge of the bed, with his head in his hands.

"Will this night ever end?" He muttered in exhaustion.

"Ya buddy, it will." I said, sitting beside him and patting him on the knee.

"Doesn't feel like it." Sam replied in a sigh.

"Come on Sammy, we've been through nights like this before. We'll get through. We always do." I pointed out calmly.

"Ya but that doesn't make them suck any less."

"No it sure as hel…shit doesn't." I stuttered out.

"You can say 'hell' Dean; I'm not going to break." Sam replied with a tiny bit of a smile.

"Yeah well I think you've had enough reminders of that place to last you a fucking lifetime Sam, so I'd rather not add to it." I said in frustration.

"I'm fine Dean."

"No little brother you are definitely not, but you will be." I added as a promise.

Sam nodded in response as he stared absently at the wall, his mind likely racing with all sorts of horrible things.

"Sam." I called softly, moving to squat down in front of him. I waited for him to focus his tired gaze on me before I spoke again.

"You want to talk about…about your…your dreams?" I asked nervously, not sure how to word the question, and not sure I actually wanted to hear about the memories that had been the cause of my little brother's night terrors.

Sam shook his head instantly.

"You sure? It might help to talk about it." I offered.

"No Dean, it won't. I…it just won't." Sam refused.

"It helped me."

Sam's eyes widened at my confession.

"When I told you about what happened in hell, about what I did. I mean at the time it was shitty, but it helped to get it out…it helped me move past it." I admitted quietly.

My brother sat silently looking at me, analyzing me with his searching stare.

"Dean…I…its…I don't want to…to put that on you." Tears welled up in the kids eyes as he looked away from me.

"Sam, I can handle it. Whatever it is, I swear I can handle it little brother." I insisted, completely understanding the young man's fear of burdening me with the weight of his memories.

"I'm not ready." Sam rasped, blinking the tears from his eyes and glancing at me.

"That's alright Sammy." I said, placing my hand on his and giving him a reassuring smile.

"But when you are ready, I want you to know that there is nothing you can't tell me. There's nothing you could say that would make me think any less of you." I insisted.

"It's not that…" Sam's shaky voice faded away, unable to find the right words.

"I can handle the weight. You took part of mine; let me take part of yours. Let me make it better Sammy." I pleaded.

The young man looked at me a long moment with a watery gaze, before shaking his head and burying it into his hands.

"When you're ready little brother, when you're ready." I whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead as I stood. Before I could take more than two steps away, I felt long thin fingers lock around my wrist. I looked down at the shaggy head of the young man who was still gazing intently down at the ground. I stood there staring, waiting for him to speak.

"I just…need time." Sam whispered quietly, wiping discreetly at his eyes.

"I know buddy. I'm just worried, it has been a long time already…and I just don't want you to burry this all again." I mentioned in concern. I had allowed Sam to get out of talking about his experience in hell back when he first remembered, partly because of his refusal to discuss it, but also because at the time his wall was broken and the kid's sanity had been on the rails. By the time my brother would have been able to talk about hell, he had already buried all the memories deep inside himself and I didn't want to go poking at them, because he had seemed to be dealing okay.

Now was different, now all the memories were fresh and I wanted to get him talking before he had the chance to shove every one of them deep down inside. Because I know what that is like, I know the way those memories weigh on you and the way they eat at your soul when you don't deal with them.

"We are going to talk about it Sam." I announced with calm conviction, officially deciding that I was going to make the kid talk, even if I had to pry the words from his throat.

My brother's body went stiff as he stared at his feet.

"But not tonight kiddo. Another time, when you're feeling up to it." I assured gently, placing the hand that wasn't locked in my little brother's grip onto his boney, ridged shoulder.

Sam nodded without looking up. Understanding what I was saying.

"Tonight, you need to get some shuteye." Sam looked up instantly and made to reject, but I continued.

"You have to try man. Those trials have you messed up enough as it is. It'll only get worse if you don't get any sleep." I pointed out.

"I'm Fi—

"Cut the bullshit kid. You may be the smart one, but I'm not a moron, and I'm not blind. I can tell that these trials are screwing with you, messing with your health. And we have no idea what is coming next. So you need all the rest you can get." I lectured.

"Rest isn't going to fix me Dean." Sam said with a long sigh.

"Well it sure is shit isn't going to do any harm." I argued.

"Ha! Clearly." Sam laughed humourlously. I was not impressed with his sarcasm and I let him know so with my expression.

"Come on buddy, just lie down." I ordered softly, pulling my wrist from my little brother's grip and gently pushing him into a horizontal position.

Before I could get him lying down, Sam was swatting at my hands.

"Dean knock it off." He demanded petulantly.

"No Sam, cut it out." I replied in frustration.

"Dean." He said louder, grabbing my forearms and staring up at me with those big puppy dog eyes.

"I can't do it again, I can't handle those dreams." Sam admitted, as a hard shiver ran through his body.

"You won't have to buddy." I assured, letting him see the certainty in my face before bending down and lifting his long legs onto the bed.

"How do you know?" Sam asked uneasily.

"Just trust me little brother." I said with a smile.

Sam smirked as he looked up at me curiously.

Once I had him lying comfortably I tugged the covers up around him, swiping his hair from his face.

"Dean, I'm not a child. You don't have to tuck me in." He whined.

"Shut-up Sam." I quipped, walking over to my bed and grabbing the remote for the crappy TV in the corner and my pillow.

"Scoot over sasquatch." I ordered, dropping my pillow on the right side of the bed, closest to the door.

"No Dean you don't have to—

"Shut-up Sam." I said, forcefully nudging the kid over as I dropped onto the bed.

Sam watched me get settled and then rolled his eyes.

"This is your plan? You think that you snoring in my ear all night is going to keep me from having nightmares?"

"Shut-up Sam." I sighed, flipping on the television.

"Go back to your bed Dean, really I'm—

"Shut-up Sam."

"You're getting a little repetitive." Sam huffed.

"Shut—

"I get it Dean!" Sam interrupted in aggravation, switching his attention to the infomercial.

I smirked in amusement as I placed the remote on the rickety side table and laid back in the bed with my arms behind my head, lazily watching an advertisement for the latest vacuum.

It took longer than I thought it would, but by about ten minutes later Sam had slowly maneuvered himself directly by my side. Curled up so his forehead pressed against my hip as he distractedly picked at a hole in the knee of my sweatpants.

"Shut your eyes Sammy." I requested softly.

"Can't…I'll be in…I'll be back there." Sam informed me in a haunted whisper, one that made my heart clench.

"No you won't, you'll be here with me." I reasoned confidently, combing my fingers through the mess of hair belonging to my kid brother, a strategy I had developed many years ago in order to comfort him.

Sam remained quiet and he continued to pick at my pants, but his movements slowed as I continued to drag my fingers through his hair.

Three infomercials later his breathing was even and his hands still, but he continued to force his eyes open, regardless of how frequently they drooped. I rolled my eyes at the stubbornness of my baby brother.

"Close your eyes Sammy." I ordered softly.

"I'm scared Dean. I don't want to go back there." Sam admitted, the catch in his throat had my protective instincts surging as I continued to comfort him the best way I could.

"You're not going anywhere, I got you little brother. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, not even in your dreams." I vowed.

"You can't control my dreams Dean." Sam pointed out sleepily.

"When are you going to learn kiddo? I'm your big brother, there's nothing I can't protect you from, nothing." I reminded.

Looking down I felt content at the sight of the small dimply smile that crossed Sam's face.

"Now close your eyes and get some rest." I urged once again.

Sam released a long sigh, glancing over at me briefly before dropping his arm over my legs and reluctantly letting his eyelids fall closed.

"I got you little brother." I whispered, watching Sam give in to his body's desire for sleep.

It was less than an hour later, during an advertisement for some dumbass cat toy, when the peaceful rest my little brother was enjoying began to alter.

At first I just thought he was shifting, he has always been a bit of a wiggler. His legs began to twitch against mine, and the arm he had draped across my knees began to move. It wasn't until his hand found a tight grip on my pant leg that I observed the young man more closely.

His face no longer held the peaceful look that had been on it when the kid drifted off. It was now wrinkled in pain and twisted in fear. His breathing was picking up, just a bit, but quickening nonetheless. His head was twitching around and I could feel his forehead pressing closer into the side of my hip.

The release of a small, nearly silent whimper was the last piece of evidence I needed to know that if I didn't do something now we would have a repeat performance of the same situation we had already experienced twice tonight.

I shimmied further down the bed and slid an arm around my little brother, pulling him up against me. Sam went with it immediately, whatever was going on in his head was not yet strong enough to stem his instinctual physical reaction to my touch. I maneuvered him carefully, not wanting to wake the kid up, knowing from past experience that it would be better to calm him in his sleep, stop the nightmare before it took control. I gently guided the shaggy head onto my chest, letting it rest against my collarbone, which was instantly followed by my little brother draping his arm across my chest, but his body was still rigid, still held by his mind.

As the kid lay against me I lightly rubbed circles on his back, hating how easy it was to feel his spine through his shirt. Sam's tense body slowly starting to relax at my touch and I felt his hand slide up my chest, gripping, for the second time that night, at the neckline of my shirt.

"Never should have thrown that out. I fucked up little brother." I cursed myself, knowing that my kid missed the amulet almost as much as I did.

"Dean." He breathed out, almost inaudibly, his face and body immediately going lax at the release of my name, his sleep again peaceful.

"I'm right here Sammy. I'm always going to be right here. I got you little brother." I promised, letting the murmur of the TV and the sound of my kid's breathing lull me to sleep.

Before I drifted off I thought of the conversation Sam and I had waiting for us, where I'd make him tell me about his time in the cage, I thought about the coming trials and the harm they could do to my little brother, but then I pushed all that from my mind.

Because none of it mattered right now.

Right now all that mattered was that my little brother was sleeping soundly.

Right now he was safe.

Right now we were together.

And the rest of the world could wait, because right now we were okay.

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><p>Note: Done? Or should there be more? Please commentreview and let me know what you think. I really appreciate the feedback if you have a second. Thanks for reading! - Sam


	2. Chapter 2

Just yesterday my little brother had finished the second trial.

The kid had gone to hell, through purgatory, and came back with Bobby's soul in tow…or in him actually…which is disturbing when you think about it.

I literally shake my head, hoping to clear my mind of the thought.

Because Sammy was okay.

I mean the kid was beat. Yesterday's trial and the following night-terrors had done nothing to help him at all.

He was coughing more and eating less.

But he was okay…right?

I clenched my jaw, frustrated with this seemingly useless train of thought.

I glanced to my right at Sam who was slumped over in the passenger seat. He was staring out the window, but I had a feeling he wasn't really seeing any of the scenery, the kid was far too exhausted.

We were heading back to the bunker so hopefully Sam could get some rest and I could get some kind of lead on where the hell Kevin had run off to.

"You want to pull off and maybe grab a bite?" I asked for what must have been the third time since we got in the car.

"No, I'm fine." Sam huffed, giving me the same answer he had all day.

"Come on man, you need to eat." I pushed, knowing that he didn't have much yesterday and that he hasn't had anything at all today.

"I'm not hungry Dean, I'm just…" My brother faded off with a sigh.

"Tired?" I filled in, glancing over at him.

Sam just shrugged.

"Well then why don't you try and get some shuteye?"

Sam sent a bitch look my way.

"You know damn well why Dean." He bit out.

I nodded my head, because he was right about that. I did know why.

"So you're never going to sleep again because you're afraid of having nightmares?" I asked.

Sam sent me a dark look, as though I had crossed a line, and perhaps I had. But there was no way I was going to just stand by and watch my little brother fade away.

"Well, is that your game plan? Because I hate to break it to you man, but it's not going to work."

"I never said I wasn't going to ever sleep again, just…not now." Sam finished lamely, turning to gaze back out the window.

"You'll be okay Sammy." I promised with a softer tone, looking over and watching the kid chew on his bottom lip.

"I don't want to have those dreams again." Sam confessed quietly.

"You won't." I stated, feigning all the confidence I could muster.

"You don't know that Dean." Sam said flatly as he continued to stare out at the grey sky, watching the water droplets slide down the window.

"Sam, if you start having one, I'll wake you up." I assured, no longer faking.

My little brother glanced over at me uneasily, still biting his bottom lip, it's a wonder that thing didn't get torn up with the amount of time this kid spent chewing on it.

"I'll be right here. I'll be able to tell if you start having a nightmare. I'll wake you up." I swore, looking over at the nervous man beside me, imploring him to believe me.

I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Sam seemed to be having some sort of mental debate. I could see the fear and anxiety in the lines of his face, but just as strong was the exhaustion making his body slump and his eyelids droop. The question was, which would win. After a couple minutes Sam released a long sigh, looking over in my direction.

"Fine, I'll try and get some rest. But do me a favor?"

"Whatever you need Sammy." I said with a smile, content that my exhausted brother was allowing himself to sleep. Maybe after his nap I would have some luck in pushing him to eat something.

"Just be careful when you wake me up…sometimes I don't really know what's happening…and I don't want to hurt you." Sam declared earnestly, watching for my response.

"Ha! Don't flatter yourself little brother. You've never been able to take me before, what in the world has you thinking you'll be able to when you're half asleep huh?!" I joke.

"I did one time." I hear Sam whisper, his tone drenched in guilt.

A memory hits me instantly after my brother's quiet comment.

_It was some time after Sam's wall crumbled. The kid hadn't been sleeping much and he'd finally conked out around three am, by four I was awoken by whimpering from the bed furthest from the door. _

_I wasn't surprised, it wasn't the first nightmare since Sam's wall crumbled, and I knew that it wasn't going to be his last. _

"_Sam!" I had called out, hoping to rouse him. _

"_Sammy Wake Up!" I yelled loudly, releasing a long sigh as I climbed slowly out of bed. _

_I grabbed a hold of my little brother's shoulders and shook him, eager to pull him from his nightmare and end the kid's terror. _

_The next thing I knew I was on the motel room floor with long thin fingers wrapped around my neck. My eyes went wide as I tried and failed to suck in any air. I looked up seeing my little brother's face staring down at me, but even my oxygen deprived mind could tell Sam wasn't with it. He was still living in the world of his dreams. _

_Every hunter instinct I had was screaming at me to fight back, to go on the offense, but my big brother instinct refused to hurt Sammy, and that instinct always overrode all the others. _

_As I tried desperately to suck in air I mouthed my little brother's name, inwardly cursing as no sound came out. I began to see spots and as I slowly brought my hand up towards my little brother, clumsily carding my fingers through his long hair and gently resting my hand on the back of his neck. I squeezed every so lightly, in the comforting way I always had. _

_Just as I was beginning to feel myself losing consciousness, the pressure on my neck was suddenly released. _

"_Dean." I barely heard the loud sob over my desperate gasp, feeling my lungs burn as they filled. _

"_Oh my god Dean, I'm so sorry. So sorry. Oh God what have I done." _

_I wanted so badly to tell Sam that I was okay, to reassure and comfort him, but I didn't yet have enough air to do so. Instead I rolled over onto my side, coughing and gasping. I was trying to get a handle on breathing when I felt the same long thin fingers that had been cutting off my air just seconds ago, now wrapping gently around my arm and pulling me carefully into a sitting position. _

_My eyes watered as I proceeded to try and even out my breathing, made difficult by the constant gasping and coughing. I felt Sam's shaky hand running up and down my back as he muttered a mantra of my name mixed in with a whole lot of apologies. _

"_I'm okay Sammy." I choked out into between laboured breaths. _

_Once I no longer felt like I was going to pass out and was finally able to take in air slow and steady, I looked over at my little brother. Sam was kneeling by my side, his one hand now still on my back while his other had a steadying grip on my elbow that I hadn't noticed until now. I looked up at his face, barely able to see it past all that hair, but what I could see made my heart ache. _

_There were tears streaming down my kid brother's face, his eyes were full of guilt and concern, and his mouth continued to form the word "sorry" over and over and over. _

"_Sam, it's alright man. I'm okay." I promised in a much stronger voice than I had been able to use last time. Stronger voice or not, my brother made no acknowledgement that he had heard me. _

"_Hey buddy, I'm fine. Look at me kiddo." I ordered, moving to kneel before the young man, placing my hand on his chin and guiding it up. I gently moved Sam's hair from his face so I could get some eye-contact. His gaze was brimming with tears and deep emotion as he brought it up to meet mine. _

"_I am okay Sam. This was not your fault." I stated clearly._

_My little brother instantly began to shake his head. _

"_Yes it was, I…I hurt you…Dean I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was you. I thought you were…I didn't know … I'm so sorry, so sorry, sorry…" Sam repeated as he looked down at his hands, which were shaking violently in his lap. _

_I reached across and grabbed a hold of both of the trembling appendages, ducking my head to get into my brother's line of sight. _

"_Sam. It is not your fault. I shouldn't have woken you like that. I should have known better—_

"_No, no Dean." Sam interrupted. "I should have known it was you. It's my fault! Oh god I could have killed you. I'm sorry! So sorry." _

"_Sam Stop!" I ordered loudly. "Can I talk for one second?" _

_Sam nodded shakily, biting down on his lip to physically put an end to the string of apologies. _

"_Now, Look at me." I demanded again. _

_The young man timidly raised his head, chewing on his bottom lip as his eyes met mine. _

"_I knew you were having a nightmare. I should have found a better way to wake you. I should have paid more attention. This is my fault Sam. Not yours." _

"_I was strangling you Dean! I had my fucking hand around your throat. How the hell is this not my fault!" Sam snapped loudly, ripping his hands from my grip and staring down at them hatefully. _

"_Did you mean to hurt me?" I asked, matching his loud volume. _

_Sam looked at me as though he'd been slapped. "No of course not!" _

"_Did you know it was me you were choking?" _

"_God no!" _

"_Sam did you strangle me on purpose?" _

"_NO Dean! I would never do that. I would never intentionally hurt you! If I had known it was you I wouldn't have done that."_

"_So than how is it your fault?" I asked calmly, watching as understanding dawned upon my little brother's face. _

"_Because I hurt you. It was my hands that were around your neck." Sam said, his voice drenched in self-loathing as he stared again at his shaking hands, clenching them angrily. _

"_You didn't know Sam!" I yelled in frustration, regretting my tone of voice as I watched Sam visibly shrink away from what he perceived as anger. _

_I grabbed Sam's hands again, unfolding them from their clenched positions as I spoke. _

"_You thought you were defending yourself. And the second you knew who I was, you stopped. I knew that you would stop, that's why I didn't fight back." I waited for my kid brother to look at my face before continuing. _

"_I know that you would never hurt me Sammy." I stated with all the conviction in the world. _

_I watched as hope filled my kids face, as his eyes searched mine, seeking the truth. I let him see it, I let all the love I have for this shaggy headed sasquatch shine through my eyes, along with the complete and total trust I have in him. _

_A small smile slid onto Sam's face as he found the truth he had been searching for, but the dimples were fleeting as his expression again grew serious. Before I could reaffirm my belief that Sam wasn't to blame, one of his hands was coming towards me, his fingers lightly skimming across my neck. _

"_I could have killed you De." The voice crack and the shortened version of my name tore into me. I wanted to tell Sam that I love him more than anything, that I trust him more than anyone, and that I know his heart, and because of that I know that he would never intentionally hurt me. But I've never been great with emotion, so I settled for a much lighter comment. _

"_Don't flatter yourself kiddo, you're not that good." I replied with a smile. _

_Sam smirked as his hand fell away from my neck. _

"_But in the future I will definitely wake you up a little more carefully. You never were a morning kid." _

_My brother released a rueful laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. _

"_How about next time you fight back?" He asked, his expression a little more at ease, but his tone serious._

"_You wouldn't want that Samantha. I'd have you on your ass in a second." I responded casually as I climbed to my feet. _

"_I don't care. If this happens again you have to promise me that you'll fight back. Whatever you have to do." Sam instructed me, grabbing onto my arm to stop me from walking over to my bed. _

"_How about it just doesn't happen again." I say, knowing that I can't make the promise that Sam wants me to. _

"_Ha! How are we supposed to do that?" Sam huffed, dropping onto his bed in frustration. _

"_I'm just going to start throwing things at you in the morning. That way I don't have to get so close to you, which is good because little brother, your morning breath is lethal." I mock. _

"_Yeah and yours is just great." Sam snorts sarcastically as he lay back in his bed. _

"_Shut up Sam, I smell delicious." _

_The laugh that fell from my baby brother's mouth made me smile like a moron. It was almost worth getting strangled just to hear that stupid laugh. _

_I fell asleep that night watching Sam stare mindlessly at the fuzzy tv. I had encouraged him to get some rest, but I didn't push it, because I knew that between his nightmares and hallucinations there was no way his sleep would be peaceful. I also knew that what happened tonight had shaken him on a number of levels and it might be awhile until he trusts himself enough to fall asleep. _

_It never happened again, the nightmares did, but Sam never came at me like that again. But he never forgot it. The day after it happened I caught him staring at my neck, guilt clouding his features as he examined the light, barely coloured bruise. That was the one and only time I have ever wished that I owned a turtle neck, if just to ease my baby brother's conscience. _

I saw the same guilt in my little brother's eyes now as I had that night years ago.

"You didn't hurt me Sam. It takes a hell of a lot more than that to take me out. I'm batman." I said with a wink.

"I'm serious Dean. Just please be careful." Sam insisted

The honest fear in his eyes tore at me, because I knew it wasn't due to his impending dreams, but fear that he will hurt me in some way.

"Don't worry buddy, I'll be careful." I assure him with a nod of my head, feeling my kid brother's eyes on me, studying me for another moment before he turned to rest against the Impala's passenger door. I fiddled with the radio, stopping once I hit a soft rock station, knowing this was the kind of music that had always been able to knock Sammy right out.

"Jerk." Came the mutter to my right.

"Bitch." I responded with a grin.

It was still raining a couple hours later as I watched the wipers slide back and forth across the windshield. We could have been back to the bunker by now, but Sam had been sleeping for three hours, and if I had to drive around all night I would do it just so the kid could get some rest.

There had been no sign of any nightmare so far. I was thinking maybe the Impala provided a sense of security, but it's not like Sam hadn't had bad dreams when sleeping in it before. Maybe his body was just so worn that his mind had shut down, not allowing for any memories to be played out. Maybe it was the hand I kept on one of my brother's long legs as he rested. Whatever the reason Sam was finally getting some much-needed sleep and that alone was a good enough reason for me to take the longest most scenic route back to the bunker.

Suddenly, I felt my little brother flinch, the hand I had resting on his leg jumping as his entire body jerked.

"Sam." I immediately called out, loud enough that he should have heard me, but the young man made no indication of that as his breathing became erratic.

"Hey! Sammy, wake up!" I ordered, giving the leg I was holding a hard shake, as I tried to maintain some sort of attention on the road.

Again Sam gave no reaction to my command and began to move around, rolling his head from side to side as his body continued to jerk about.

"Sammy!" I hollered, moving my hand up to his shoulder and shaking him roughly, not bothering to consider the risk I was taking for myself by waking him so aggressively.

Still nothing.

I guided the Impala quickly over the side of the road, putting her in park as I turned to face to my little brother, desperate to bring him out of the memory that had him flinching so violently.

Once Sam began to cry out I hurried out of the car, rushing around it and opening the passenger door. I squatted down in front of the boy trapped in a night-terror. I yelled at him to snap out of it, shaking him and my little brother's only response was to release a blood curdling scream. I was desperate to stop my kid's pain, placing my hand on the back of his neck and my face close to his.

"Sammy Please wake up!" I choked out, my voice cracking as I begged the kid to come back to me.

The young man's eyes flew open, fear and terror reigning in his expression as he shook violently. I went to place my hands on his chest when he tried to get up, not wanting him to hurt himself. But he slapped my hands away.

"Get off me!" He cried out, pushing me away as he dived…or more fell out of the Impala.

I held my hands up in the most non-threatening position I could and took a step back, but not too far, because my kid brother was barely on his feet, shaking so hard I was worried he was going to collapse.

"Sammy it's alright. I'm right here, just calm down." I soothed, watching in confusion as my little brother started pulling at his button up shirt, taking it, as well as the t shirt underneath, off.

"What are you doing Sam?" I asked, taking a cautious step closer as I watched him staring and feeling all around his chest, his breathing still as erratic as it had been when he was dreaming.

Sam made no sign that he'd heard me, but once he started to claw at his chest I could not be ignored any longer.

"Sam! Sam, stop it!" I ordered as I moved in. Not giving a shit about my own safety, I reached out, grabbing his hands and holding them against my chest, away from his.

"What the hell are you doing little brother?" I asked, looking into his terrified eyes.

"He…He was peeling it." Sam choked out, his gaze remaining focussed on his chest.

"Peeling? Peeling what Sam?" I ask, trying to get my brother too look at me so I can figure out what the hell is going on.

"My skin." Sam sobs, his legs suddenly giving, causing him to collapse to the ground.

I swallow down the bile that rose up my throat at my kid brother's answer as I grab hold of him and try to ease his decent to the pavement. I angle Sam so he's leaning against the Impala and I squat down in front of him.

"He can't touch you Sam. You're here with me. I'm not going to let anything hurt you." I promise.

"He was…he wouldn't stop…I begged him to…but he kept…and god it hurt…so much pain." Sam says in a haunted, stuttered whisper while he stares at his chest, running his hands over it, as though needing proof that it didn't really happen.

"It was just a dream Sammy." I remind him.

"It wasn't…it was a memory." Sam mumbled, looking up at me with wide frightened eyes.

"I know, but you're safe now." I assure the kid, my mind searching for a way to make this better for my kid.

"He never stopped...no matter how much I begged or screamed. He just kept peeling…and smiling."

My stomach turns at the dark recollection.

As I look into my brother's eyes I see their hazel colour faded behind a cloud of fear and pain. The same fear and pain that I saw in them twice last night; the same fear and pain that I had seen in them years ago. I remember even when Sam had had his hand around my throat that night, he didn't look hateful or angry, instead his eyes were full of the terror and hurt that I see in them now.

"He'd peel my skin off so slow and I couldn't do anything but scream." I know that Sam is telling about the cage. That he is doing what I had asked of him last night, and sharing his burden. But as he speaks I can tell part of him is still there, is reliving what happened through his words. The shattered expression on his face tears me apart, his agony almost palpable.

I tempted to look away, not wanting to face my little brother's memories, or hear the stories of his torture, but I know I can't do that. I refuse to deny him the little support I'm able to give. So I continue to stare into those heart-wrenching eyes as I slide a hand onto the back of Sam's neck and listen.

"He peeled if off strip by strip until there wasn't any left on my chest…so he'd move to my arms." Sam choked out as I continued to swallow the bile travelling up my throat.

"And he'd say he liked it when I screamed…so I'd try not to. I'd bite down on my tongue. But eventually…hours or days later…I couldn't stop myself…and I'd scream." Sam recalls, his voice quivering. I feel tears sliding down my face, but do nothing to stop them, knowing the rain will wash them away.

I notice one of Sam's hands making its way up my chest, stopping to rest where my amulet should be sitting. A pang of deep regrets seers through my heart as Sam's long trembling fingers grab hold of my shirt and I know that he wants to be gripping the amulet, like he did back when he was younger and searching for comfort, safety, and reassurance. I put my hand over his, as my other hand gently squeezes the back of his neck again. The best way I can think to show that I'm here, that I'm not leaving.

"I always screamed for you Dean." Sam croaks, a tear slipping slowly down his face as his watery gaze remains on mine.

My heart clenches violently. I remember that I had screamed for Sam when I had been in hell. And it kills me knowing that he did the same for me, for a much longer period of time.

"I'm here now Sammy, and I'm never going to leave. I'm going to protect you little brother." I vow in a voice gruff with emotion.

Sam stares a me a moment before nodding his head, the fear in his eyes diminishing almost completely as a look of love and trust take its place.

It has always amazed me how much this kid trusts me. No matter how often I fuck up Sam still looks at me with the same trust and adoration he did back when he was a young child. I feel my heart swell, the love I have for my kid brother filling me up, accompanied by my need to protect him.

I use the hand I have on the back of Sam's neck to pull him towards me, feeling his body slump tiredly against me as I wrap my arms around him. It's not long before I feel my brother's long arms responding in the same way, gripping tightly to the back of my jacket as he buries his face against my collarbone, crying softly.

"I got you little brother." I whisper in his ear, holding him impossibly tighter against me.

I don't care that the hard pavement is digging into my knees, or that I can feel the wet ground soaking my jeans, or that the rain is beginning to fall I a little bit harder. I just want to make sure my little brother feels safe, that he knows I won't let anything hurt him again, no human, angel, or demon, not even Lucifer himself; and if that means sitting outside in the rain hugging like a couple of girls, than that's what I'm going to do.

After a while Sam's breathing evens out and his cries taper off. It is then that I realize he is no longer trembling with emotion, but has begun to shiver from the cold.

I slowly release my grip on the kid and ease him back.

"You good?" I ask, searching his expression for an honest answer.

"Yeah." Sam croaks, looking at me with puppy dog eyes no longer dominated by fear and pain.

"Good, cause if we sit here much longer we are going to be swimming." I joke.

Sam smirks as we climb to our feet. I don't bother picking up his two soaking shirts as I maintain a steadying grip on his elbow and lead him to the passenger seat.

Once he was seated I close the door and ran back to the trunk, popping it open and grabbing a sweatshirt from my bag and an old blanket.

"Here, put this one." I said, dropping the sweatshirt on Sam's lap, watching a small smile brighten his face as he held the sweater, probably realizing it was one of mine. The kid always seemed to prefer my clothing over his whenever he was sick and/or tired.

Sam slid into the sweater, his long wet hair dripping onto it once he got it on.

"You really need to let me cut off some of that hair man." I chuckled.

"Not a chance." Sam replied with a smirk.

"Fine, stick with the drowned rat look." I shrugged, sliding off my wet jacket and tossing it in the back.

I saw another hard shiver run through Sam's body and I dropped the blanket on his lap.

"Thanks." My kid brother said, covering his mouth as he began to cough.

"Sitting out in the cold rain sure didn't help your health any." I muttered as I spread the blanket over him, pulling off his shoes and socks as he continued to cough.

I made sure the blanket was covering his cold feet as I pulled them up onto the seat, sliding them under my thigh.

I took the Impala out of park and steered her back on the road as Sam's coughing died down. I glanced over to my right, feeling eyes on me and saw my little brother with the sweater hood pulled over his head, blanket pulled up around him, resting tiredly against the passenger door as he stared at me with a huge dorky smile on his face.

"What?" I asked curiously.

Sam's only response was to begin wiggling his toes.

"Would you rather your feet be freezing?" I threaten, starting to life up my leg.

"No!" Sam responded quickly, still smiling.

"I'm just not used to you being so willing." He chuckled.

I smiled because normally Sam would just dig his toes into me, worming his feet underneath my leg; he had been doing that since back when we both shared the backseat.

"You always have had icicle feet." I remark with a smirk.

Sam chuckles softly as he rests his head back and directs his gaze out the windshield, watching the wipers slide back and forth.

A study him out of the corner of my eye. My brother looks better, no long shivering from the cold or trembling in fear, no longer looking haunted by hell or clouded in pain. A shadow remains on his face, hidden in his eyes, but that's what hell does to a person. He still looks tired, and I can tell that he's getting sick. Once we get back to the bunker I am making sure that he is getting a solid nights rest, a full eight hours at the very least. These trials don't seem to be doing the kid any favors, and I'm sure sitting out in the rain didn't either.

I curse myself again for not being the one to take the trials. It should be me, not Sammy. But there's nothing I can do about that now. One trial left and Sam will finish it and I will take care of him while he does. Then the gates of hell will be slammed shut and I will make sure that my baby brother gets the safest, happiest, most normal life he possibly can.

Because he fucking deserves it.

I take another look at my kid, watching as his tired eyes stare at the road again, feeling his cold feet under my leg, and hearing his steady breathing. Everything he's been through, all the supernatural assholes who tried to taint him, who tried to change him and he's still here. He's still my little brother. Still the kid who wears his hair way too long. Still an emotional little girl. Still a temperamental sasquatch. Still the little brat with ice cold feet. Still the stubborn bitch he's always been. Still the boy desperate to do the right thing. His heart is as big as ever. No one and nothing can taint my little brother.

And as I look over at him, I feel my heart swelling with pride.

I love this kid so fucking much it hurts.


End file.
